Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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