That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
