I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Small penises have feelings too.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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