First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Sext me about skeletons
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
