He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize