i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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