Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Randomize
