DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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