I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
As shirtless as possible
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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