I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
you have to choose: penises or morals?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
