I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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