did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
