1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Bang-toberfest begins!!
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
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