I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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