i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
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