apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Randomize
