I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize