remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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