Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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