all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Randomize
