So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
