I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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