Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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