Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
