good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
