it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
