Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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