New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
