1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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