A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
