You can't motorboat a personality
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
