Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
