Do you still have your period?
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
