were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
