I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
