I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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