no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
