If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I'm just crazy horny about you
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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