When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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