forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
