Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
