saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
