Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
