Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I can't turn off my feet"
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
