Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
