if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
