Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
im on a boat
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