so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
