this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
i think i just lost a toe
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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