you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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