OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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