this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize
