He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
