I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
