He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
