Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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