You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize