Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Randomize
