why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
