The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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