The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
