Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
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