There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
