oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
