Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
