I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
