I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
