some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize