I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
